monday, january 22, 2018 8:10 pm zst

We can always panic tomorrow.


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The Verdict

evariste and zorkie (minus her one shoe) are limping back to bloggie. The street outside the courtroom is empty, it's dinnertime and the comrades have gone home. Torn "La Vache Qui Rit" wrappers litter the sidewalk and someone has spray-painted "Portia, I love you!" in huge, red letters on the courthouse wall.

zorkie: I can't believe we have to go back tomorrow for more of this! You don't really think they'll delink us ev, do you? And poor Frank, his trial is next week! Who's representing him, do you know?

evariste: Frank's representing himself, the fool, he's too cheap to hire a lawyer. Anyway, we're not going back tomorrow, zorkie. We're gonna take God's advice and move to Ferkakta.

zorkie: You really wanna move bloggie to Ferkakta, ev? We're city kids! bloggie thrives on exhaust fumes!

evariste: I want to get away from all this crap, zorkie! Lawyers and trials and judges, who needs them?

zorkie: But--what about our social life?

evariste: What about our social life? Instead of being city socialites, we'll be genteel aristocracy in the country. Just us and bloggie and 2,000 of our closest friends. We'll have a beautiful view of rolling green hills, lots of blue sky, gardens, fountains... we'll have space and privacy... We'll have a barn, we'll have an orchard... You'll love it!

zorkie: What the hell am I gonna do with a barn and an orchard?! I like cement, do you understand? I like traffic, I like crowds, I like boutiques and cafés and hot nightclub action! Do they have hot nightclub action in Ferkakta, ev?! I doubt it!

evariste: But zorkie! We'll upload songs and videos and the comrades can download them, won't that be fun? We'll have wine and cheese samplings every afternoon! And we'll have an open salon, we'll serve sherry and people will speak to each other in British accents! And we can run around in our underwear all day and dress for dinner at night! Like those aristocrats do! And when other blogs have "Talk Like A Pirate" day, we'll have "Talk Like A Greek" day! Hell, we'll have "Talk Like A Greek" day every day! And everyone will be joyful, they'll be whistling happily, it'll be like a Disney movie! You love Disney movies!

zorkie: ... You really think it'll be like a Disney movie?

evariste: Yes! Let's do it, zorkie! Think of it as an adventure! Bloggie will grow up in a healthy environment, he'll play happily with other bloggies, we'll get him more disk space, more bandwidth, maybe someday we'll even get him his own virtual private server! Don't you want your bloggie to have his own virtual private server?

zorkie: ... What's in it for me?

evariste: This is not about you! We're doing this for our blog!

zorkie: Does this mean you're not gonna get me those little robots that attack people, like you had promised? Are you breaking your promise to me?

evariste: No! Of course not! I have the robots on special order already! They're on top of the list! Here we are, home at last. Hi bloggie, we're home! Sit down sweetie, you want some cognac?

zorkie: Thanks, darling. Cheers.

evariste: To Ferkakta.

zorkie: To Ferkakta. ... You realise we'll be doomed to loneliness, right? It's just gonna be you, me, bloggie and your stinky linkopotamus.

evariste: What are you talking about? There are comrades in Ferkakta! And anyway, we're not going alone, the whole LOL clan will come with us.

zorkie: What are you talking about? You think the LOLs will agree to come to Ferkakta? Do you read their posts? These people can't even agree on what time to have lunch!

evariste: Why are you always such a pessimist, zorkie? Why can't you see the bright side of things?

zorkie: Which bright side, ev? We're gonna be all alone, you understand? The only person we know in Ferkakta is bigel and if you think bigel will be inviting us over for movies and popcorn every evening, boy do I have news for you.

evariste: There'll be other people there too! It's not only bigel that lives in Ferkakta!

zorkie: Oh yeah? Who else is in Ferkakta?

evariste: Well, AM42 will be there, right?

zorkie: AM42 has suspiciously disappeared after telling us the Ferkakta news and I have no idea what happened to him. Who else?

evariste: Oh. Um...didn't Portia say she has family there?

zorkie: Portia has also been conspicuously absent since this whole story started, have you noticed? And so has Throbert. And so has Sine. And so have several other people. I'm telling you ev, no one is gonna want to come with us.

evariste: Will you quit worrying?! We'll make them come!

zorkie: How are we gonna make them come, ev? You think you can make packen do anything she doesn't want to do? Or Jefe? Or that Siddharta Vicious guy, who's stubborn as a mule? Maybe if you hung around your blog a little more, you'd know all this!

evariste: zorkie, we'll abduct them if we have to, okay? Seriously, will you quit worrying? Everyone will want to come with us, people love New Jersey and Ferkakta has definite possibilities of becoming a major tourist attraction, I googled it this morning. Here, I'll put up a notice on the bulletin board--"Comrades! Let's Go To Ferkakta! Word From God!" Now watch, by tomorrow morning this thread is gonna be filled with people asking for directions to Ferkakta.

zorkie: Right.

evariste: You'll see.

Posted by zorkmidden on Oct 06, 2005 7:00 am

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