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monday, december 18, 2017 6:40 pm zst

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The Trial

The terrible hour of justice has finally arrived. Outside the courtroom, crowds of people are chanting "Free The Bloggie Two!" and "Bloggie Lives!" and a smell of cheese permeates the atmosphere. The comrades have gathered for support. Mass hugs follow. Meanwhile, inside the courtroom...

zorkie's lawyer: Good afternoon Your Honors, I'm here to represent my client Corkmitten and-what?

zorkie: It's zorkmidden...

zorkie's lawyer: Pardon me Your Honors, I'm here to represent my client Zorkmidden and-WHAT?!

zorkie: With a small z...

zorkie's lawyer: My client zorkmidden who-

evariste's lawyer: Who got my client Everest into this mess, Your Honors!

evariste: evariste.

evariste's lawyer: Whatever. My client Everiste who has no reason to be here today Your Honors!

judges: Off with their link!

judglets: Off! Off!

several legal experts: Off!

zorkie's lawyer: This is a terrible injustice Your Honors! Zorkmitten is innocent! Yes, she encouraged everyone but she did it nicely! By laughing! And anyway, Everiste laughed first! She only laughed after he laughed!

evariste's lawyer: That is the furthest thing from the truth, Your Honors! Borkmidden's last name is L-O-L-!-! In addition, she uses aliases, thus being a danger to blogs everywhere! She's used "LMAO!" and she's used "ROFL", as well as "ROFL!!", and she's shamelessly used the "LMAO!!!!!" and rest assured she's abusing the "LOL!!" and the "LOL!!!!" and she's been pulling stunts like this and destroying threads for years! She was laughing and my client saw her laughing and thought "oh it must be funny" and he laughed! But she laughed first!

zorkie's lawyer: No, no, no, my dear colleague! Your client laughed first and my client saw him laughing and thought "oh it must be funny" and she laughed! Let's put the blame where it belongs! And don't pretend your client's last name isn't LOL!!

evariste's lawyer: Mere coincidence, my dear fellow! You have no proof!

zorkie's lawyer: The proof is in the laughing, sir! Everiste laughed first!

evariste's lawyer: No, no, no! Forkmitten laughed first!

zorkie's laywer: Absolutely not! Everest laughed first!

evariste's laywer: You're wrong!

zorkie's lawyer: You're the one who's wrong!

evariste's lawyer: You idiot! Dorkbidden laughed first!

zorkie's lawyer: You moron! Everiste laughed first!

evariste's lawyer: You assholy asshole! Morkbidden laughed first, read the thread!

zorkie's lawyer: You fuckety fucker! Are you trying to deny that your client is a laugh whore?!

evariste's lawyer: You whiny whiner! Your client is a laugh slut!

zorkie's lawyer: You bastardy bastard! That's libel, you have no evidence! Your Honors, I demand that this be stricken from-

judges: Off with their link!

judglets: Off! Off!

several legal experts: Off!

zorkie's lawyer: But Your Honors, I haven't called the witnesses to testify for my client yet! I have here Chickenpoxerella and her granny who came all the way from Chattanooga to prove that this is all Everest's fault!

evariste's lawyer: You stole my client's witnesses, you thieving thief! Your Honors, these witnesses are supposed to testify for my client! This is an outrage!

zorkie's lawyer: Nuh-uh! You stole them from my client! You stole that bitchy guy, what's-his-name, and those SegwayTraining people! I had to do with what's left! Look right here Your Honors, he stole--

judges: Off with their link!

judglets: Off! Off!

several legal experts: Off!

evariste's lawyer: Your Honors, can we at least get the platform charges dropped? It is very unfair to my client! Just because that laugh slut Dorkkitten likes to drop platforms here and there and spends platforms like there's no tomorrow, my client has suffered unequaled emotional damages and a skin condition that has resulted from this stress and-

zorkie's lawyer: What are you talking about, you fucking moron?! It was a fucking pimple!

evariste's lawyer: Well, he didn't know it was a fucking pimple until later, now did he?! Idiot! He had to google it first! And googling takes time and time is money! Money which could have gone to better uses such as buying pre-peeled onions which my client had to forego buying that day because he spent his time having to google fucking pimples! Fucking jerk!

zorkie's lawyer: Oh give me a break on my penis, you lowly lying worm! You wouldn't know googling if it hit you on the face!

evariste's lawyer: Why don't you STFU you pricky prick! Like you know how to google?! Fucking idiot!

zorkie's lawyer: I don't know how to google?! STFD and take that back or I'm gonna come over there and bash your face in, you scurrilous cockroach!

evariste's lawyer: Oh yeah?! Why don't you try it, you idiotic POS! Come on! Come on!

zorkie: Ooww! Ooow! My foot! He stepped on my foot! And he broke my sandal! Oow!

zorkie's lawyer: You moronic spermhead! Why don't you FOAD!

evariste's lawyer: I'm gonna kill you, you hare-brained turtleface! I'm gonna strangle you like you deserve to be strangled!

evariste: zorkie! Where are you?

judges: Trial is adjourned until tomorrow! Off with their link!

zorkie's lawyer: Oh yeah?! I'll fucking kill you first, you smelly skunk! You're so ugly, your mother wants to commit suicide! She told me yesterday!

zorkie: I'm under the desk!

evariste's lawyer: Oh yeah?! Well, your mother's mustache is bigger than your grandpa's! Fucking, bastardly, evil liar! Die! Die!

zorkie's lawyer: You die first, you evil pondscum! See how you like this!

judglets: Off! Off!

evariste: Come on, let's get out of here!

evariste's lawyer: You're dead! You are so dead!

zorkie's lawyer: No, I'm not! You're the one who's dead!

several legal experts: Off!

zorkie: Is it over?

Posted by zorkmidden on Oct 03, 2005 7:00 am

1 comment

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