saturday, december 16, 2017 5:12 am zst

a little down in the mouth

Life At Blog Command Central

I couldn't find zorkie. We've been roommates for a while, so I recognize her even by dim blue computer light. And if she's home, she's always in Blog Command Central, so she ought to be easy to spot. But I couldn't see her until the cat twitched with an irritable "Mrow!" and then I realized I could see her foot poking the cat. Zorkie's foot was attached to zorkie's leg and sure enough, there was another leg as well. But where was the rest of zorkie? I could hear the usual muttering of curses in several languages, so clearly she was around here somewhere.

I walked to the other side of the room, from where I could see that the rest of zorkie was upside down poking at buttons on the dsl router down on the floor. The cursing got louder. I could also see that the sandwich I had brought in earlier was untouched, probably unnoticed. IP addresses were scribbled on the paper napkin. Gingerly I moved the sandwich right next to the computer, where surely she would have to see it. "Don't touch anything," she yelled at me. "I wasn't!" I yelled back.

Zorkie reappeared right side up and glared at the computer to make sure I hadn't done anything to it. Unfortunately her foot poked the cat harder, provoking a warning claw tap. "Damn it! Get that evil dementor-cat out of here!" "Yes, ma'am, right away ma'am," I replied sarcastically. Zorkie just said, "Mmhmm," her eyes locked on the computer screen. I should explain that once visual lock has been achieved, all non-computer input is routed to a special cache in zorkie's brain for later analysis. And that's if you're lucky, there's also an automatic data-dump function that kicks in a lot. Anyway, "Mmhmm" is the only response zorkie ever gives when she is looking at her monitor. It doesn't matter if this is a total nonsequitur. "What are you having for dinner?" "Mmhmm." "Did you talk to your mom today?" "Mmhmm." "When is she arriving?" "Mmhmm." "I was stung by a swarm of bees in the garden, suffered an allergic reaction and died, and this is actually my ghost standing here talking to you." "Mmhmm."

Two hours later, the sandwich was gone. More IP addresses were written on the napkin. Zorkie was typing and talking on the phone with evariste. She was saying, "Mmhmm...mmhmm... mmhmm." "I was too listening!" she said. "What do you mean, what did you just say?" "Mmhmm." "Oh good grief, you were telling me about rekavolting the fanpups to optimize the portwine servers. Right? Right! Mmhmm, mmhmm..." That may not have been an exact quotation; I didn't know exactly what she was talking about so it's possible I imagined some of the words. As I left, I heard her raving about what she was going to do to people who hadn't written Guest Author posts for bloggie.

I stuck my head in the door to say goodnight before I went to bed. Both dogs were watching with laser-like focus as zorkie nibbled on cheese. The cheese tonight was "Laughing Cow Original Creamy Swiss...A French Favorite," which zorkie has taught me to call it "La Vache Qui Rit." Other nights the cheese might be manchego or parmesan or kasseri. No matter, the dogs always want some. "Goodnight," I said. Zorkie looked up with a strange look in her eyes. I felt a chill. "Have you ever written a Guest Author post for bloggie?" I backed away slowly. "Umm, no, uh, I don't really...that is...I've never...uh, well, good-night!"

Posted by guest author: luLU on Sep 25, 2005 2:00 pm

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