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The big news in the world of employment law today is the much-anticipated release by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission of its new Compliance Manual, Section 12--Religious Discrimination.

You will comply.

Hilarious examples of the commands of the USG follow. None of these are made up.

Morgana asks for time off on October 31 to attend the “Samhain Sabbat,” the New Year observance of Wicca, her religion. Her supervisor refuses, saying that Wicca is not a “real” religion but an “illogical conglomeration” of “various aspects of the occult, such as faith healing, self‑hypnosis, tarot card reading, and spell casting, which are not religious practices.” The supervisor’s refusal to accommodate her on the ground that he believes her religion is illogical violates Title VII unless the employer can show her request would impose an undue hardship.

Morgana!

The USG has your new-age emo number, baby.

Edward practices the Kemetic religion, based on ancient Egyptian faith, and affiliates himself with a tribe numbering fewer than ten members.He states that he believes in various deities, and follows the faith’s concept of Ma’at, a guiding principle regarding truth and order that represents physical and moral balance in the universe. During a religious ceremony he received small tattoos encircling his wrist, written in the Coptic language, which express his servitude to Ra, the Egyptian god of the sun. When his employer asks him to cover the tattoos, he explains that it is a sin to cover them intentionally because doing so would signify a rejection of Ra. These can be religious beliefs and practices even if no one else or few other people subscribe to them.

The real story? Edward got a bitchin' tatoo after partying all night at Cabo Wabo in Mexico and it's a real babe magnet.

Justina works at Tots Day Care Center. Tots is run by a religious organization that believes that, while women may work outside of the home if they are single or have their husband’s permission, men should be the heads of their households and the primary providers for their families. Believing that men shoulder a greater financial responsibility than women, the organization pays female teachers less than male teachers. The organization’s practice of unequal pay based on sex constitutes unlawful discrimination.

We're paying you less because you are a woman. This happens in Jeebusland EVERY DAY.

Darpak, who practices Buddhism, holds a Ph.D. degree in engineering and applied for a managerial position at the research firm where he has worked for ten years. He was rejected in favor of a non-Buddhist candidate who was less qualified. The company vice president who made the promotion decision advised Darpak that he was not selected because “we decided to go in a different direction.” However, the vice president confided to co-workers at a social function that he did not select Darpak because he thought a Christian manager could make better personal connections with the firm’s clients, many of whom are Christian. The vice president’s statement, combined with the lack of any legitimate non-discriminatory reason for selecting the less qualified candidate, as well as the evidence that Darpak was the best qualified candidate for the position, suggests that the proffered reason was a pretext for discrimination against Darpak because of his religious views.

Memo to attorneys: Find pissed-off employees with names vaguely Ferengi names, sue, get new Lexus, daughter to Stanford.

Eve is a secretary who displays a Bible on her desk at work. Xavier, a secretary in the same workplace, begins displaying a Quran on his desk at work. Their supervisor allows Eve to retain the Bible but directs Xavier to put the Quran out of view because, he states, co-workers “will think you are making a political statement, and with everything going on in the world right now we don’t need that around here.” This differential treatment of similarly situated employees with respect to the display of a religious item at work constitutes disparate treatment based on religion in violation of Title VII.

Moral of the story: Xavier and Eve's supervisor is way smarter than the entire United States Government and must be crushed.

Harinder, who wears a turban as part of his Sikh religion, is hired to work at the counter in a coffee shop. A few weeks after Harinder begins working, the manager notices that the work crew from the construction site near the shop no longer comes in for coffee in the mornings. When he inquires, the crew complains that Harinder, whom they mistakenly believe is Muslim, makes them uncomfortable in light of the September 11th attacks.

Everyone knows that dumb-ass Mericans can't tell the difference between a Sihk and a Muslim. Thank God the Merican Government is standing between Sihks and hordes of the knuckle-dragging Mericans who would do them harm.

Stand proud, Merica. Stand proud.

Mohammed is an Indian-born Muslim employed at a car dealership. Because he takes scheduled prayer breaks during the work day and observes Muslim dietary restrictions, his co-workers are aware of his religious beliefs. Upset about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, his co-workers and managers began making mocking comments about his religious dietary restrictions and need to pray during the workday. They repeatedly referred to him as “Taliban” or “Arab” and asked him “why don’t you just go back where you came from since you believe what you believe?” When Mohammed questioned why it was mandatory for all employees to attend a United Way meeting, his supervisor said: “This is America. That’s the way things work over here. This is not the Islamic country where you come from.” After this confrontation, the supervisor issued Mohammed a written warning stating that he “was acting like a Muslim extremist” and that the supervisor could not work with him because of his “militant stance.” This harassment is “based on” religion and national origin

In America, car dealership employees are a lot like construction workers.

Shoshanna is a Seventh-day Adventist...

Wait. What? Everyone knows "Shoshanna" is a Jewish hottie.

Marvin is an Orthodox Jew who was hired as a radio show host. When he started work, a co-worker, Stacy, pointed to his yarmulke and asked, “Will your headset fit over that?” On a few occasions, Stacy, made other remarks about the yarmulke, such as: “Nice hat. Is that a beanie?” and “Do they come in different colors?” Although the co-worker’s comments about his yarmulke were insensitive, they were not sufficiently severe or pervasive to create a hostile work environment for Marvin.

Marvin should convert to Islam.

Ihsaan is a Muslim. Shortly after the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, Ihsaan came to work and found the words “You terrorists go back where you came from! We will avenge the victims!! Your life is next!” scrawled in red marker on his office door. Because of the timing of the statement and the direct physical threat, this incident, alone, is sufficiently severe to constitute hostile environment harassment based on religion and national origin.

Congratulations EEOC! You have now mentioned the attacks of September 11 more than the report of the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States!

You winz!!!11!!

Will no one rid me of this idiot government?

Yes Kevin! :OD
Obama will. Unfortunately he'll probably replace it with some bigger idiot government, like the UN.

Kevin, I think this article made your day :-)

I'm laughing at your comments but I agree, it is pathetic. Disheartening too.

Someone should sue the EEOC on the basis of the demeaning stereotypes of Christianity found therein.

Hehe yes Lewy - we should all feel VERY offended ;O)
At all times.
Cuz you just never know when it's gonna pay off! :OP

JeeeeeeSus!!

Oh, wait. Does saying that that constitute religious persecution?

OMG, I'm DYING at your comments, Kevin! LMAO!!!

Quick. Someone with a Facebook account search for retired Christian lawyers with too much time on their hands.

Hint: any religion with less than 100 members isn't a religion, it's a joke.

Hint 2: any religion that requires unusual time off is a good reason to select a different applicant even if it's one of the big five.

Hint 3: if the practice of a religion creates a hostile environment for all the other workers it's okay to squelch it in the workplace while allowing other less hostile religions to be practiced.

The Buddhist with the Ferenghi name may have a case, or would if the enforcement of equal opportunity employment wasn't a wasteful drag on our court system.

Maybe plaintiffs in civil cases should have to pay the salaries of the judge and court officials and rent on the courtroom. It would cut down on stupid lawsuits and make stupid laws a lot more harmless.

What's a Muslim doing with a name like Xavier?

Heh... that could be the name of a drug, now that I think of it.

I knew someone who covered all the bases and STILL managed to rejected by the gubmint on his religious request - he is a Jewish man, also a Christian who wanted Saturday off for Sabbath and to attend synagogue. He was a mailman. A big NO on that one, even though 7th Day Adventist mailpeoples in the area had received Saturday off for sabbath, and muslims also got whatever they wanted in terms of days off.