discarded lies: tuesday, february 20, 2018 11:50 am zst
consequences will never be the same
daily archive: 12/09/2006
guest author: Thousand Sons in Discarded Lies - Hyperlinkopotamus:
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guest author: evariste in Discarded Lies - Hyperlinkopotamus:
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guest author: evariste in Discarded Lies - Hyperlinkopotamus:
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guest author: evariste in Discarded Lies - Hyperlinkopotamus:
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guest author: evariste in Discarded Lies - Hyperlinkopotamus:
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evariste in Discarded Lies:
The Magna Carta of Pizza
Eat what you want with a good, healthy fuck-you attitude

Salaami, salaami, pepperoni. We are not worthy. Steve H. of Hog on Ice has cracked the code of pizza-making. And even though it's going in his upcoming (second) cookbook, he lays it all out for you like Charlton Heston bringing down The Law from the mountain. Go read it now.

I'm a little depressed about this because while I was reading and admiring it, I realized that there's no chance I will ever accomplish anything this important in my life. It's like Steve found the Rosetta stone of pizza-making. Long after you're dead, your pizza independence legacy will live on.

On the one hand, I have nothing to live for, because Steve just did the most important thing that needed doing in our modern times. Like Prometheus stealing fire for us from the Gods. I mean, who can top this? The guy who proved Fermat's last theorem? Pffft. Who can get full on that? Pretty much nerds only.

On the other hand, I will continue to live so I can make, and eat, this marvelous pizza. It feels good to know that a problem of this magnitude has been solved. Fuck you, neighborhood pizzerias. I can dramatically out-class you now, and for about $2.50 a pie. And an extra-large fuck-you to the frozen chewy cardboard industry. I could already out-class you by eating my socks and calling it pizza.

I'm barely even kidding. Damn you, Steve! This is great. I feel like an empowered minority or something. I love this whole hate-based philosophy behind it, too. If you want to find out "the secret" to something, the people who know it are probably not going to tell you, but they will pretend to tell you. The fuckers! They're probably the kind of people who bleach their anuses, too. I didn't even know I hated them, but now I know who they are and that I hate them. Which I suppose is a reason to live, after all. Hate can really keep you going. Just ask a middle-easterner.
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