discarded lies: wednesday, august 20, 2014 11:28 am zst
a twirl in life
daily archive: 05/07/2006
joem in Bloggie Beit Midrash:
אבות ג׳
רבי אלעזר בן עזריה אומר:
אם אין תורה, אין דרך ארץ; אם אין דרך ארץ, אין תורה.
אם אין חכמה, אין יראה; אם אין יראה, אין חכמה.
אם אין דעת, אין בינה; אם אין בינה, אין דעת.
אם אין קמח, אין תורה; אם אין תורה, אין קמח.
(אבות ג׳ כ״א)
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guest author: Sojourner in Discarded Lies:
The Bird Poop Mystery
On Sunday morning (April 23rd, not that it matters) I grudgingly sorted and bagged the dastardly laundry and headed for the door on my way to the dastardly laundrymat. Little did I know what "surprise" awaited me on the other side of the door...

Right outside my door is a little table that is handy for setting things on when going in or out. It's not fancy or anything, just a dusty little table, not even noticed for the most part.

However, on this overcast Sunday morning, something drew my attention to it, and that "something" was... BIRD POOP! And not just a bird poop, but a lot of bird poop. Like about 10 or 15 bird turds! Of course my first thought was "WTF??"

And I've been thinking "WTF?" ever since.

Here's why. See, my door, and this little table, they're covered overhead - in a covered "hallway" I guess you'd call it. So it's not like a bird "flew by" and took a crap. And that many poops? From ONE bird? I don't think so.

Ok, so I go to the laundrymat and run my errands and I keep thinking about it, because it's just so odd. I get back home with the laundry and groceries and have to make several trips up and down the bloody effing stairs - two flights of these damned things, damn I hate stairs. My son Mark loves stairs. I always tell him, "You just wait, one day you will hate stairs too". But anyway, so, while making all these trips I have to pass the bird poop table multiple times, and I can't even set the milk or juice on the damn table because of the freaking poops.

So I start thinking about the possibilites again. Mark spent Saturday night at a friend's house, and I only went out once on Saturday in the afternoon. The poop wasn't there then. We've had roof workers in the complex over the last few days, including Saturday, but they have no reason to come into the covered hallway.

Well, maybe someone had a parrot or pet bird or something - I have new neighbors, they might have a bird. Maybe they set the bird on the table for a minute while they moved something, or something. And no, I wouldn't set my bird on a filthy dusty table, but anyways. Well, that's still a lot of poops from one bird. Also, birds wander about, and after that many poops, a bird would wander around in them a bit. But these turds were generally "undisturbed", (I have some experience with birds and their turds).

Ok, so, undisturbed turds. It would seem to me that the bird(s) would have to be on some sort of a perch or something, to poop so much and not trudge around in it. There is nothing above the table which a bird could perch on or make a nest or anything - there's NOTHING!

So I put the laundry away, checked bloggie, messed around doing whatever it was I did that Sunday and forgot about the poop. Mark came home, we did our usual Sunday night things, he didn't say anything about the crap and then there was Monday.

Mark leaves before me, so we didn't talk about it in the morning. In fact I had forgotten about it until I left for work and was greeted by them again, oy. I pondered them again, of course, on my way to work. I suppose someone could have "borrowed" the table for something and moved it to an uncovered place. But then putting it back, with all that poop on it, well that would just be rude. I decided to talk to my coworkers about it in case they had better ideas than me, but I forgot about the poop again.

Until I got home from work and there they were, still. So I get inside and immediately ask Mark if he noticed the poop. "Yeah! I saw that last night and it really irritated me." So I ask him if he has any idea how it got there and he says no. So I start going on about how odd it is and does he realize just what it would take for bird poops to get on the table, and he says "Do you think I'm responsible for that Mom?" I said "No", and he said "Good"!

I decide to clean it up right after I check my email and bloggie real quick, but in the meantime I tell him not to mess with it and he says "ok". And then I ask him if he knows why I don't want him to mess with it, and he says "Because you want to find out how it got there"? "No, because it's bird poop and it could have germs and stuff in it and you could get a disease". "Oh, ok".

I consider asking bloggie comrades what they think, but then I think, it's so absurd, how would I explain it? I decide against it and am going to clean the bird crap right after I make sure that "24" will be on that night. But then I think, no one will ever believe this story, it's so weird, so I get my camera and take pictures for "proof".

I also consider asking my neighbors about it, but, they're new - not the nicest way to introduce yourself: "Hi, I'm your new neighbor. Say, you know anything about the bird crap on this little table here by my door?" No, pass on that idea.

While I'm taking pictures, my sister calls and chats with Mark for a while and then asks him "What's your Mom doing?" and he says "She's outside taking pictures of bird poop". She asks him why in the world is she doing that and he says "I don't know, do you want to talk to her?" She declines the offer. Wise decision.

I bring the camera back, upload the pics and then go to clean the poop, but Mark needs help installing a computer game his friend loaned him. Then I notice the state of Mark's room and get on his back about it, and what about his homework??

Then I see all the cups left from his buddies, and the juice is left out, the bread is left open and bread crumbs are everywhere, knives with mayo and jelly, etc. I decide not to bitch about it and just clean it myself. And then I see the cup next to COUCHIE and I become angry that someone was drinking cranberry-grape juice on Couchie!! Hello? That stuff stains in a major way!!

I grit my teeth, put the bread and juice away, clean up the crumbs, wash the dishes and go to clean the poop when the phone rings. Someone at work needs help. Sigh. I barely get off the call in time for "24" - sorry, bird poop will have to wait until there's a commercial.

Well, then I completely forgot about the poop altogether.

Until the next morning, of course. Lovely. Oy.

On the way home from work on Tuesday I'm *determined* that the first thing I will do when I get home is clean the stupid freaking bird poop.

I climb the stairs, turn into the hallway, and guess what? No poop! Someone cleaned it! Who???

I ask Mark did he clean the poop? No, it was gone when he got home. Hmmm. Even the chicklet, or whatever it was, is gone.

Mystery UNSOLVED.

And essentially over, right? But still, it's unsolved, and it bothers me a little bit.

So, now that y'all know my recent bird poop mystery, what do you think could have happened?

poop01.JPG
See, covered, dead-end!

poop02.JPG
See the poop? Is that a chicklet in the corner? I have no idea...
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floranista in The Secret Garden:
Sunday Fun & Games
A little of this, a little of that...

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