...Or how I was almost raped, robbed, mugged and murdered in Seattle; and it's all Al Gore's fault!
When I come down to Seattle at the weekend, I take the first plane from Vancouver and get in around 9.20am. Matt and I go for breakfast and then hang out until he has to go to work (his Saturday shift is 1pm ish to 8.45pm ish). If I'm in the mood for some retail therapy, Matt drops me off downtown on his way to work and I take the bus back to his apartment. So this is what I had planned to do today.
All went well until I walked from Macy's to the bus stop which is located right across the street from Nordy's. As anyone familiar with downtown Seattle can tell you, in order to do this you have to walk past Westlake Centre. Westlake Centre is where every nut job and their wife demonstrate, piss, moan and complain about the war and Bush and Israel and...you get the picture. So, sure enough, I see a bunch of hippie looking, age challenged persons with signs and petitions and blown up black and white photo's "delivering" their message to the mob. Imagine my surprise as I got close enough to the demonstrators to see that the object (subject?) of their protest was none other than Al Gore!
Ha! Banners that read "Al Gore is a Racist" doctored photo's of Gore with a Pinocchio nose. "The Gore Hoax" plus "Blood and Gore" whoa I said (to myself). Have I been transported to a different universe or what? Am I dead? Was Seattle somehow transported to the People's Republic of Common Sense? Who knows...
I approached one of the demonstrators who had a big stack of glossy looking brochures and gratefully took the one she offered to me. Great I thought, I can read this on the bus back to Matt's place. At the bus stop, I do what any normal person does at a bus stop, wait for the bus. The bus I have to catch is the number 55. There are a few shady looking characters at the bus stop but I'm not worried as the bus stop is directly across the street from NORDSTROMS. What the hell could happen here...
After ten minutes of waiting for the bus; the fat, ugly, badly dressed, cigarette smoking old geezer who is also waiting for a bus decides to come and stand two inches away from me. And then it happened, he started talking to me. Asked me what bus I was waiting for, 55 I said. The answer piqued his interest, "me too" he said (oh joy). "Are you visiting?" Hmm, how do I get out of this question in a hurry. "Sort of" I said and then I thought it would be appropriate to throw in the fact that I had a husband, which I did.
So here we are Mr. Gorgeous and me waiting for the same bus. Another ten minutes go by and yippee here's the bus, it has the number 55 on it. He gets on and then I get on. As soon as I sit down I whip out the brochure about Al Gore the Racist and start to read it. It didn't take long before I discovered that it was a Lyndon Larouche publication (hahahaha). But, there were fascinating tidbits in it about Tipper and the Queen and all and I couldn't stop reading it!
Just after I finished the third paragraph the bus driver announced that he was at his last stop and that I had to get off the bus. What? The bus is stopped at 5th and Jackson, not a place any normal person would choose to exit a bus. Why do I have to get off the bus here? But that's not all, not only did I have to get off the bus, so did the only other passenger on the bus, yes, Mr. fat friendly guy. He and me had boarded the 255 instead of the 55. And here I was, stuck on the wrong side of town. Well I’m certainly not going to ask fat guy how to get back downtown so I start walking like I look like I know where I'm going. Grab my cell phone, leave manic message for Matt to give me directions outta this hell hole. Look over shoulder every ten seconds to see if fat guy is following me. Finally get back to downtown and see a bus stop where the 55 stops. Get home unscathed, no thanks to Al.
If I hadn't been so consumed by the glossy brochure and the banners that said Al Gore is a racist I wouldn't have been reading the friggin' thing in the first place which means that I would have NOTICED that I was on the wrong bus...
I blame Gore!